Deanna created that monster and now she's whining because he's demolishing a building or two. Worse, she isn't actually doing anything to correct matters; she does herself no favors by soft-pedaling matters. If she wants things to change, she'll just have to be more forceful; not, of course, that she'll do it. She'd rather let things fester than take Mira's advice.
Well said, Candiru. Deanna, we know, has a martyr complex a mile wide, but in many ways, she's just as unsympathetic as her husband himself. People who recognize a problem and would rather sit and whine about it than take action have made their own bed.
I know it's been mentioned before, but it's remarkable to me how little these two actually talk to each other. When Dee wanted to go back to work after Meredith's birth, she didn't discuss it with Mike--instead, she talked to her mother-in-law and landlady. She decided to go back to work while Mike was in Japan and never really discussed it with him, except to say, "Oh, btw, I'm going back to work." Later, Mike quits his job without discussing it with Dee (while the family is living with his parents, by the way). I mean, these are major decisions with big impacts on each other and they just don't talk.
I doubt it will do much good, though. It's okay for Dee to whine about Mike, but when Mira points out that Dee has been an enabler, Dee just gets defensive.
The way Mike would get defensive if John ever had the Spauldings to talk to his son.
I've always had the impression that the two of them were frightened to death that if they did discuss things between themselves, they'd inevitably get to arguing. They probably cannot conceive of two people discussing things calmly and rationally between themselves. Mike has the excuse of bearing witness to the pointless arguments between his shallow idiot parents over non-issues to explain why he keeps his yap shut. Deanna, who could be the poster child for the Electra complex, seems to resent Mira's not slavishly obeying HER DADDY whenever HER DADDY said something stupid, she vowed never to try to 'undermine' Mike the same way she misinterprets Mira as having done.
I doubt it will do much good, though. It's okay for Dee to whine about Mike, but when Mira points out that Dee has been an enabler, Dee just gets defensive.
The way Mike would get defensive if John ever had the Spauldings to talk to his son.
Well said; Deanna doesn't want to solve her problems by getting Mike to face up to his responsibilities. What she wants to be patted on the head and told how brave she is for putting up with an annoyance she can and should put paid to. Mira offers her real advice that would make her life better so she's obviously not being what Elly calls "fair".
Maybe Deanna wants a divorce, and wants Mommy to suggest the idea to her (so that she can have mommy's approval). And instead Mira's thrown it back into Deanna's face.
We're not sure, right now, that Dee is looking for a divorce. We can't be sure that she isn't, either.
It is pretty clear, though, that either way? She was hoping that Mira would just telepathically read "I want you to back this course of events" off of her body language, or hair colour or something, with 'this course' being whatever would support her having gotten fed up with Mike's douchey ways without having to, y'know, own up to having fostered, nourished, and provided the manure for them.
Also, I want to know what they're putting in the Kool-Aid - it seems to remove any ability to actually talk to the people you're having problems with; whatever it is, I want to avoid it. Seriously, wasn't there a point where Dee was capable of actually talking to the person involved, when she had a problem with someone? Or is this just the sleep deprivation talking?
Oh, I think Deanna used to talk about what was bothering her. Of course, the time I recall was early in the M&D marriage when both she and Mike got really sensitive after talking about little things each did that annoyed the other.
Over time, she seems to have been infected with the Patterson virus where you talk about things, if at all, only with people *other* than the one involved. Others have pointed out how she didn't talk with Mike about returning to work and so on.
That's a good point. Considering who Mike's couple-role-model is, he's clearly incapable of having normal, adult discussions. And poor April has her parents, Mike and Dee, AND Liz and Anthony as examples. Yikes! Hopefully, that much passive-aggressive nastiness turns her away from that kind of behavior, but considering what a doormat she is with Gerald, and how stupid she is with Becky, I don't see that happening now.
10 comments:
Bingo.
Deanna created that monster and now she's whining because he's demolishing a building or two. Worse, she isn't actually doing anything to correct matters; she does herself no favors by soft-pedaling matters. If she wants things to change, she'll just have to be more forceful; not, of course, that she'll do it. She'd rather let things fester than take Mira's advice.
Well said, Candiru. Deanna, we know, has a martyr complex a mile wide, but in many ways, she's just as unsympathetic as her husband himself. People who recognize a problem and would rather sit and whine about it than take action have made their own bed.
I know it's been mentioned before, but it's remarkable to me how little these two actually talk to each other. When Dee wanted to go back to work after Meredith's birth, she didn't discuss it with Mike--instead, she talked to her mother-in-law and landlady. She decided to go back to work while Mike was in Japan and never really discussed it with him, except to say, "Oh, btw, I'm going back to work." Later, Mike quits his job without discussing it with Dee (while the family is living with his parents, by the way). I mean, these are major decisions with big impacts on each other and they just don't talk.
I love Mira. She really cut to the chase here.
I doubt it will do much good, though. It's okay for Dee to whine about Mike, but when Mira points out that Dee has been an enabler, Dee just gets defensive.
The way Mike would get defensive if John ever had the Spauldings to talk to his son.
Cedar,
I've always had the impression that the two of them were frightened to death that if they did discuss things between themselves, they'd inevitably get to arguing. They probably cannot conceive of two people discussing things calmly and rationally between themselves. Mike has the excuse of bearing witness to the pointless arguments between his shallow idiot parents over non-issues to explain why he keeps his yap shut. Deanna, who could be the poster child for the Electra complex, seems to resent Mira's not slavishly obeying HER DADDY whenever HER DADDY said something stupid, she vowed never to try to 'undermine' Mike the same way she misinterprets Mira as having done.
Scritzy,
I doubt it will do much good, though. It's okay for Dee to whine about Mike, but when Mira points out that Dee has been an enabler, Dee just gets defensive.
The way Mike would get defensive if John ever had the Spauldings to talk to his son.
Well said; Deanna doesn't want to solve her problems by getting Mike to face up to his responsibilities. What she wants to be patted on the head and told how brave she is for putting up with an annoyance she can and should put paid to. Mira offers her real advice that would make her life better so she's obviously not being what Elly calls "fair".
Or...
Maybe Deanna wants a divorce, and wants Mommy to suggest the idea to her (so that she can have mommy's approval). And instead Mira's thrown it back into Deanna's face.
At least that's what I see here.
We're not sure, right now, that Dee is looking for a divorce. We can't be sure that she isn't, either.
It is pretty clear, though, that either way? She was hoping that Mira would just telepathically read "I want you to back this course of events" off of her body language, or hair colour or something, with 'this course' being whatever would support her having gotten fed up with Mike's douchey ways without having to, y'know, own up to having fostered, nourished, and provided the manure for them.
Also, I want to know what they're putting in the Kool-Aid - it seems to remove any ability to actually talk to the people you're having problems with; whatever it is, I want to avoid it.
Seriously, wasn't there a point where Dee was capable of actually talking to the person involved, when she had a problem with someone? Or is this just the sleep deprivation talking?
Oh, I think Deanna used to talk about what was bothering her. Of course, the time I recall was early in the M&D marriage when both she and Mike got really sensitive after talking about little things each did that annoyed the other.
Over time, she seems to have been infected with the Patterson virus where you talk about things, if at all, only with people *other* than the one involved. Others have pointed out how she didn't talk with Mike about returning to work and so on.
DC2--
That's a good point. Considering who Mike's couple-role-model is, he's clearly incapable of having normal, adult discussions. And poor April has her parents, Mike and Dee, AND Liz and Anthony as examples. Yikes! Hopefully, that much passive-aggressive nastiness turns her away from that kind of behavior, but considering what a doormat she is with Gerald, and how stupid she is with Becky, I don't see that happening now.
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