Thinking that all the bits and pieces of an identity Elly had tried on over the years make a whole persona does seem to be the most helpful way to look at things; to do so, of course, would mean having to face up to the randomness of her existence and that there is no fate to guide her. Admitting that she was in control all along is going to be hard for her but the results will be worth it.
You know, putting Elly's issues in those terms ("unfinished, broken pieces") puts it in a new light to me. I feel like Elly (both this Elly, and the strip Elly) are still in a fairly "young" stage of development. I remember when I was in my mid-20s, feeling like a huge loser when I looked at my life--it was just a mess of unrelated experiences, jobs I ended up hating, jobs I liked but paid too little for me to live on, volunteer gigs for fields I eventually decided against, interests that had nothing to do with anything, relationships that just made me feel sad and dejected. But now that I am older, and on a path toward happiness and success (and, really, being happy), I can see how important every one of those experiences are, how they all fit together and helped lead me to where I am today. Elly's still at that stage in her life where she doesn't see the big picture yet. It makes sense that developmentally, she is still 24/25 years old.
Excellent analysis from you via Dr Walby (also from dc2 and Cedar). I'm reminded of this strip, as it sums up Elly's thought process and we know she never really progressed beyond this point, viewing all these stages not as experience gained, but as events holding her back from some undefined future.
My experience as a woman mentoring other women in a volunteer program for over a decade is that many women's lives--compared to classic male example--are meandering, taking twists and turns through time devoted to school, family, work, and other passions. This flexibility is a *strength* of women, compared to a traditional man who might feel shattered if his more linear path through life crumbled beneath his feet.
So to me, as a 42-year-old woman, Elly's path seems normal and not inherently unsettling or random. OK, that's the analyst's point. But would a woman of Elly's generation (my mother's generation) feel that way, though? Certainly back in the 70s many women hoped "to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never let you forget you're a man," but that doesn't seem like Elly's deal.
On the other hand, I could definitely see Elly feeling like "I devoted my life to my family and what do I have to show for it?" given that (here in FP) her son's marriage is troubled, Liz's wedding fell through, and April prefers to spend as much time away from her family as possible. Maybe she needs to understand that her children were given a pretty sound foundation in life but as adults they make their own choices and that this time in her life is now hers, Elly's, to make of what she will in her happy semi-retirement with her (strip-wise) loving and supportive spouse.
On the other hand (and this considerably disturbs me about most of these FBofW "fix" fics), if Elly genuinely -is- mentally ill, then all the "change your attitude: Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be happy!" advice in the world will -not- help.
I've been waiting for an installment where someone realizes that hallucinations, delusions, and crippling depression just may be symptoms of something therapy alone can't touch.
puffy treat, it's an important point - which is why I had the first part of Elly _really_ taking any of this seriously be about her getting medication (the previous Christmas).
The talk therapy (which I don't detail much of because I know I'll get a bunch wrong) is trying to solidify the mental stability she's achieved with the medication.
6 comments:
Thinking that all the bits and pieces of an identity Elly had tried on over the years make a whole persona does seem to be the most helpful way to look at things; to do so, of course, would mean having to face up to the randomness of her existence and that there is no fate to guide her. Admitting that she was in control all along is going to be hard for her but the results will be worth it.
You know, putting Elly's issues in those terms ("unfinished, broken pieces") puts it in a new light to me. I feel like Elly (both this Elly, and the strip Elly) are still in a fairly "young" stage of development. I remember when I was in my mid-20s, feeling like a huge loser when I looked at my life--it was just a mess of unrelated experiences, jobs I ended up hating, jobs I liked but paid too little for me to live on, volunteer gigs for fields I eventually decided against, interests that had nothing to do with anything, relationships that just made me feel sad and dejected. But now that I am older, and on a path toward happiness and success (and, really, being happy), I can see how important every one of those experiences are, how they all fit together and helped lead me to where I am today. Elly's still at that stage in her life where she doesn't see the big picture yet. It makes sense that developmentally, she is still 24/25 years old.
Excellent analysis from you via Dr Walby (also from dc2 and Cedar). I'm reminded of this strip, as it sums up Elly's thought process and we know she never really progressed beyond this point, viewing all these stages not as experience gained, but as events holding her back from some undefined future.
My experience as a woman mentoring other women in a volunteer program for over a decade is that many women's lives--compared to classic male example--are meandering, taking twists and turns through time devoted to school, family, work, and other passions. This flexibility is a *strength* of women, compared to a traditional man who might feel shattered if his more linear path through life crumbled beneath his feet.
So to me, as a 42-year-old woman, Elly's path seems normal and not inherently unsettling or random. OK, that's the analyst's point. But would a woman of Elly's generation (my mother's generation) feel that way, though? Certainly back in the 70s many women hoped "to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never let you forget you're a man," but that doesn't seem like Elly's deal.
On the other hand, I could definitely see Elly feeling like "I devoted my life to my family and what do I have to show for it?" given that (here in FP) her son's marriage is troubled, Liz's wedding fell through, and April prefers to spend as much time away from her family as possible. Maybe she needs to understand that her children were given a pretty sound foundation in life but as adults they make their own choices and that this time in her life is now hers, Elly's, to make of what she will in her happy semi-retirement with her (strip-wise) loving and supportive spouse.
On the other hand (and this considerably disturbs me about most of these FBofW "fix" fics), if Elly genuinely -is- mentally ill, then all the "change your attitude: Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be happy!" advice in the world will -not- help.
I've been waiting for an installment where someone realizes that hallucinations, delusions, and crippling depression just may be symptoms of something therapy alone can't touch.
puffy treat, it's an important point - which is why I had the first part of Elly _really_ taking any of this seriously be about her getting medication (the previous Christmas).
The talk therapy (which I don't detail much of because I know I'll get a bunch wrong) is trying to solidify the mental stability she's achieved with the medication.
... now resubmerge back to vacation mode :)
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